my sisters under your porch take her home
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
