Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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