apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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