I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
