please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
