im gay
i know
yea but for you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
