I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
