so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize