I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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