I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
