So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Found the puke drawer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
