Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
