yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
