I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
