Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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