I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
