So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize