i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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