Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
