he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
