Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
