2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
