I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
