walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
