She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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