great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wish there were birth control emojis
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
