I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
