I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
