I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
