All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
