I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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