Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize