We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
