I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
