but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
