Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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