You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
