im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
