the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
