Someone shit on the floor
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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