Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
