I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
