At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
