new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
