How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
