I hate your face
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
