I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
