the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
