It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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