i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
