I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
