where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
