How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
