Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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