this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just googled if crying burns calories
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
