You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
