1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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