she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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