Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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