I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
